Does reality get in the way of dreaming?

It's been one week since I was permanently laid off, and I'm sitting in a local coffee shop right now dedicating time to my future. I watch as men walk in and out in business suits, and I wonder about their careers and their happiness. Are they in town on business? Are they living their dreams? Do they wish they were home with family? Then I think, where are all the women in business suits? Do I belong in a business suit?


I then take my focus away from my momentary distraction and bring myself back to the here and now. I feel crabby.

I slept until 11, but my sleep last night didn't feel productive. I tossed and turned and my mind wandered from place to place trying to sort out my future. Do I stay or do I go? Should I stick with what I'm good at or should I take a chance on something new. Do I find a big company to work for or should I explore freelance opportunities? I just don't know.

One of the most rewarding things about being involuntarily separated from a company is that you're forced into a fresh start. It's your one chance in life to be daring. Do something you've always wanted to do. Take chances. Follow your dreams. Avoid regret. But I feel overwhelmed - and scared!

It's not just me I have to look out for. My husband is a stay-at-home dad who works part time. My son is 2 and a half months old. So there's a lot at stake.

I get wonderful butterflies in my stomach dreaming every day, thinking about my potential and where life might take me. Then I feel anxiety flush over me with the reality that my money will run out in a few short months. I know I need to move quickly, but my feet just want to stand still. Wait. Avoid making any rash decisions. I fear making the wrong decision. But then I remind myself that if I find myself heading down a wrong path I can change my course, anytime! Heck, if I can see the positives in being downsized and pick myself up and move on in a matter of days, I should be able to alter my path willingly at any time in the future. But I still don't feel better.

My fellow coworkers and friends who were also let go last week have applied for several jobs already, and this makes me feel uneasy. I don't want to get left behind, but I want to truly FEEL this experience ... the sadness, the hopefulness. But mostly, I don't want to regret not taking advantage of this opportunity to make a big change in my life. I want to do what's right for me. I want to live my dream.

So I guess I need to find the bridge between my dream and reality. I guess I will start with reality and apply for some jobs - put myself out there and see what happens. In the meantime, I will keep dreaming too.